It was the summer after freshman year of college. Some friends and I climbed out of the car at the beach, chatting and laughing excitedly. I remember that afternoon not just because the sand, wind, and hot sun at Mamaroneck Beach in New York were lovely, but because I was so focused on how my body didn’t live up to my goals.
I felt a little trapped. On the one hand, I wanted to wear a bikini because I thought that would mean I was confident – but I didn’t want to show my abs or back because I thought they weren’t defined enough to be seen. On the other hand, I wanted to wear a one-piece because it made me feel a little comfier in my skin. But the one-piece also seemed a little frumpy, like I was hiding something. On top of it all, I’d been working out a lot and didn’t feel like the results in the mirror matched my efforts.
It was a setup I couldn’t win.
In the years afterwards, I would spend tons of time learning about nutrition and fitness, in part because I really wanted to look like I worked out. I eventually achieved my ideal bikini body. But here’s what I wasn’t expecting: having that body didn’t bring me peace.
Growing body confidence was less about wearing the right kind of bathing suit and more about how I spoke to myself. Less about looking a certain way and more about accepting my body – taking care of myself because I love my body, not because I hate it. Less about dieting for the summer season and more about making a Forever Plan with food and healthy living.
Let’s chat about 4 ways to have more ‘body peace’ in your bathing suit:
Picture a megaphone loudly announcing the thoughts in your head about your body – what words are being broadcast? Are they unkind or kind? You can use this technique to notice the negative thoughts and substitute them with kinder ones.
Remind yourself that the only thoughts that matter about your body are your own. The average person in the U.S. sees about 5,000 ads per day – and since the health industry is huge and growing, a chunk of those messages are trying to influence how we feel about our bodies. We can easily feel confused and pulled in lots of different directions. Simply, your opinion is the only one that matters.
Other people often feel a little insecure in their swimsuits too. They understand! Here’s why that matters: think about a time when you were struggling with something – say balancing your priorities, budgeting, or keeping up with your relationships – and shared the details with a dear friend who obviously really related. Doesn’t that often take a weight off your shoulders? To remember you’re not the only one and that others understand? Being self-conscious about your body can feel like being stranded on an island by yourself when in reality, many people around you get it.
Talk about the insecurities. Shame, including about our bodies, loves the dark and often starts to dissolve when it comes to light – in other words, when it’s spoken. Who’s that open-minded person in your life who you could reach out to and say, “So, I have a question. I’m struggling with not feeling confident in my body especially now that it’s summer and I thought you’d understand. Can we talk it through?” If no one jumps to mind, writing in a journal is awesome for this kind of topic.
Like most things worth having, going from feeling uncomfy in your skin to feeling body peace often takes time and attention. But hard work pays off and makes us more healthy, strong, and successful because of it.
What are your thoughts about body confidence in a swimsuit? Let me know below in the comments!